Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person (Essay Books): A Pessimist's Guide to Marriage, Offering Insight, Practical Advice, and Consolation.

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In addition, it is important to work through all the things from your marriage that hurt you so you don’t become bitter and unhappy.

If you find yourself complaining about a lot of things in your relationship, then it’s time to make an effort to find out what it is that makes you happy and why your marriage isn’t working out.

Aku dapat pertanyaan serupa ketika iseng membuka sesi T&J Bookish Couple beberapa hari lalu. Kebetulan sekali malam sebelumnya baru selesai membaca Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person, esai 75 halaman dari The School of Life. If you’re with someone who seems to not have your best interests at heart, then you’ll learn to take care of yourself. Given that it is about the single costliest mistake any of us can make (it places rather large burdens on the state, employers and the next generation too), there would seem to be few issues more important than that of marrying intelligently. Also, there is the Marriage of Feeling, which is part of the Marriage of Instinct. This one dictates that one shouldn’t think too much about why one is marrying.

Kita menikah dengan seseorang karena ingin membekukan momen-momen bahagia. Mungkin ini juga sebabnya, ada beberapa keluhan dari orang yang sudah menikah: pasanganku gak seperti waktu pacaran/bulan madu dulu. Kita berharap ia terus menjadi orang yang baik dan manis, dan romantis setiap harinya. Padahal sama seperti kita, dia juga menjalani hidup; bekerja, berpotensi burnout, bisa merasakan emosi, ada saatnya sedih, banyak pikiran, etc. We are collectively a great deal more interested in a beautiful wedding than a tolerable marriage. 3. We Aren’t Used to Being Happy I met my previous partner in the perfect situation and it failed. Then, I met my current partner under the wrong circumstances, but we both had the tools to create a relationship instead of needing someone to fit into our specific "perfect partner" boxes. After it ended with him, I worked on allowing vulnerability and sadness for the first time. I learned to listen through difficult emotional conversations without reacting immediately. Shortly after, the types of people I began attracting changed dramatically.Take hope in knowing that it’s not always about the person you married, but it’s often about the person you can change in your marriage — you. It boils down to this — we must make an effort to make it work, but to expect someone to fill our every need and satisfy us on every possible level will lead to getting disappointed for sure. 5) You’ll learn to be happy on your own So, if a bad relationship can teach us to accept ourselves and our flaws, then this is a great thing.

Preparing us for marriage is, ideally, an educational task that falls on culture as a whole (Photo: Peter Dazeley/The Image Bank RF/ Getty) Why? Cause we need to know the intimate functioning of the psyche of the person we’re planning to marry. When we don’t even understand our prospective partner, how can we be happy? Life is full of surprises, but, it won’t always be fun. We believe we seek happiness in love, but it’s not quite as simple. What at times it seems we actually seek is familiarity – which may well complicate any plans we might have for happiness. Anyway, terbitan The School of Life sungguh pricey. Buat kamu yg pengin baca tapi nggak masalah kalau aksesnya lewat ponsel, bisa langsung sign up @storytel.id . Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person ada di sana. It’s only from the perspective of singledom that a marriage can look peaceful, uneventful - and enviably boring.When sex was only available within marriage, people recognised that this led people to marry for the wrong reasons: to obtain something that was artificially restricted in society as a whole. People are free to make much better choices about who they marry now they’re not simply responding to a desperate desire for sex. However, we can’t avoid this — if you are comfortable knowing that you can’t trust your partner, then it’s a good idea to think about ending your relationship so you won’t get hurt deeper and really learn how to take care of yourself. I have been asked to talk to you today about an essay that I wrote for “The New York Times” last year which went under a rather dramatic heading. It was called, “ Why you will marry the wrong person”

One of the greatest privileges of being on one’s own is the flattering illusion that one is, in truth, really quite an easy person to live with.Love is something that is hard to find and when most people find it, they don’t know what to do with it. In Alain de Botton’s “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person”, he discusses how people find relationships depending on the types of relationships people have as children. This is different from the beliefs of Marguerite Fields, who believes the typical idea of love and marriage, which is that two strangers can meet and fall in love and have a ‘happily ever after’. Because De Botton thinks that familiarity is mainly what we seek in relationships, he would probably agree with most of Fields’ points about love. However, he seems to have a strong opinion about marriage and why he believes it’s wrong, which might make him reject Fields' quest for …show more content…