Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex: Because Good Guys Make the Best Lovers

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Love and appreciate your older self. Naturally, your body is going through changes as you age. You look and feel differently than you did when you were younger. But if you can accept these changes as natural and hold your head up high, you'll not only feel better, you'll also be more attractive to others. Confidence and honesty garner the respect of others—and can be sexy and appealing. Good sex as you age is safe sex as you age Don't be shy. Hold hands and touch your partner often, and encourage them to touch you. Tell your partner what you love about them, and share your ideas about new sexual experiences you might have together. Another thing Esther Perel recommended to me was next time you go to a party with your partner, keep your distance and observe them from afar. She explained that you become more drawn to your partner when you see them through other people’s eyes. When you’re in a long-term relationship, you’re accustomed to seeing your partner at their worst and you’re overly conscious of their bad habits. Seeing them at their best – dressed nicely, performing a little, using their best jokes – can act as an aphrodisiac. Sometimes the realisation that you would choose them all over again can reignite something, and put you in the mood for when you get home.” Sexuality necessarily takes on a broader definition as we age. Try to open up to the idea that sex can mean many things, and that closeness with a partner can be expressed in many ways.

It may be strange at first, but over time, it will help you notice all the beautiful things about your body. Alex’s advice? ‘Go forth and read, then find a supportive partner (or group) for practical discovery sessions.’ And we need to destigmatise masturbation: ‘It’s one of the most satisfying ways to learn about yourself.’

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Instead of prescribing to this singular idea of sex, Mourikis suggests adopting a new definition: sex, she stresses, should be “any physical, mental, emotional or spiritual experience that is pleasurable and erotic.” In recent years, we’ve seen a huge rise in ‘silver singles’ – divorcees in their fifties and above who find themselves out there on the single scene for the first time in decades.

When you get in the hang of prioritising your everyday pleasure… without having to earn it, you're reminding yourself that your body is made for pleasure and pleasure is your right.” Hurlbert, D.F. and K.E. Whittaker. “The Role of Masturbation in Marital and Sexual Satisfaction: A Comparative Study of Female Masturbators and Non-Masturbators,” Journal of Sex Research (2009) 46:558.Experiment. Try sexual positions that you both find comfortable and pleasurable, taking changes into account. For men, if erectile dysfunction is an issue, try sex with the woman on top, as hardness is less important. For women, using lubrication can help. I have a book I can recommend wholeheartedly again as a bridal shower gift or a gift for women who are just getting used to sex. And I really, really love The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex. It’s likely my favourite. I got to write it from scratch, and Keith helped so much with it, and I think we found the right “voice” and the right balance to help guys see that if they want great sex, they need to figure her out and make it about her!