The learning is forever. Just when you think you know something, you realise you don’t know and you have to relearn,” says Richie. The author helps you to understand how you can become a better bystander when witnessing harm, start discussions about race within your workplace, families and friends groups, but also lead on this work within organisations and universities. If you’ve found your way here without reading the rest of the book, I see you. Please don’t undermine antiracism work or the labour it has taken to create this resource by trying to skip ahead. And please don’t underestimate the unintentional harm you will continue to inflict on others by not doing this work properly. If only those from marginalized and underinvested communities could cast away the identities marking them as targets with such ease.

Think of pain as a gradient—it doesn’t have to be extreme to have a significant impact. Accidentally misgendering someone can cause them pain. Stepping on someone’ toes can cause them pain. Attributes of a good apologyFor me I don’t have any tolerance for misogyny whatsoever,” says Richie. “[But] even with my friends who are quite aware of this sort of stuff, it’s about calling them out when they feel complacent. You can never be complacent in this.“ One particularly fine piece of work in the book is Reid's reframing of privilege as advantage, privilege as a word having a class-based response in the UK that is not helpful. There is also some useful information about trauma epigenetics - that trauma is passed down through generations so that when something awful happens now, it can trigger "deep-rooted historical trauma we were not even witness to" (p. 175). I was aware there was some work going on about intergenerational trauma that's come out in books I've seen others read so it was useful to see a summary of the topic presented so clearly and understandably here.

Apologies are social contracts that hold you accountable. They tell others that you are taking responsibility, are open to the consequences of your actions, and plan to do better in the future. Consider the context in which you want to apologize and how that might affect not only you but also the person receiving your apology. If you identify as a member of an underinvested community and want to contribute, please submit a pull-request on this GitHub repository. The depth and breath of the examples shared often took my breath away, I did not realize the extent of the impact racism now and over the past centuries: generation after generation after generation. It is everywhere. I am deeply impressed by the way Nova describes everything, it is so powerful and so very respectful; it will make everyone think twice and incite people to keep on reading and keep on doing the work.Reacting in a fair and equitable way isn’t about learning arbitrary rules or being a doormat. Rather, it's about restoring and maintaining dignity and respect for everyone involved - both the person who is hurt, and you. Still, it’s hard to remember in the moment, because these issues are so charged in our society. As such, it may be helpful to reframe the situation so that you don’t feel defensive. So, what makes a good ally? There are lots of guides and advice out there and one of the best I’ve seen is the Business in the Community’s anti-racism and allyship in the workplace guide. It contains simple tips like recognising the advantages of privilege, being an active bystander and being ready to be vulnerable. Being an active bystander Imagine your privilege is a heavy boot that keeps you from feeling when you’re stepping on someone’s feet or they’re stepping on yours, while oppressed people have only sandals. If someone says, “ouch! You’re stepping on my toes,” how do you react? The Good Ally is a powerful trojan horse. While the title calls out to every white person who has wanted to know 'How can I become a good anti-racist ally?', it's content delivers hard-hitting facts, stories, and reflections that remind us that it's not about being good, it's about doing better.' Your desire to give an apology right now doesn’t mean that the receiver is ready for it. Some people need space to process, and you should respect that. When they’re willing to reconnect, if at all, they may let you know (or they may not).

And this cannot have been an easy task for the author. Throughout the book, Reid explains how much her work has affected her. Both the personal trauma of facing her own feelings and the external trauma of the number of white people who've tried to erase her experiences to make themselves feel better.

Kayla Reed’s ( @iKaylaReed) tweet sharing her definition of what it means to be an ally. It’s another great definition that’ll help you follow along with this section!

Apologizing means letting go of your ego to show that you care about someone and want to make things right. Good apologies center the person being apologized to. They also take direct ownership of the actions that caused pain by naming them clearly. Nova makes a dedicated effort in explaining racism within the British context and experience. This alongside her use of data, case studies, empathy, reflective questions and inspirational quotes makes this book stand out to me.

Upset, I couldn’t understand what happened. Did the conversation we had not get through? What didn’t they step up? Then it dawned on me: Consume books, art, media that step outside of your lived experience and look at your circle - are you living in an echo chamber? Do all your friends and colleagues look like you? It might be time to take a step out of your comfort zone.” One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is learning how to create closure within rather than expecting other people to give it to us. To be an LGBT ally is easy. If you agree in equality and fair treatment in society of people who identify as LGBT then already you are an ally. As you sit and read this you can bask in the warm glow and sense of self-satisfaction that you are a force for good in the world. Well done. In reality, most of us naturally know the right way to react when we step on someone’s toes, and we can use that to help us learn how to react when we commit microaggressions.