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One of our biggest challenges in understanding how dinosaurs lived, ate, and reproduced is the limited information that we have about them. We only have fossils — and fossils don’t preserve soft tissue (with a few very rare exceptions). Their two-headed penises resemble tiny swords, and battles can last for up to an hour as they take turns attempting to stab the other. The winner pierces the flesh of the other flatworm to deposit their sperm, something scientists refer to as “traumatic insemination.” Bed bugs are famous for their aggressive, stabbing sex. Sometimes, overzealous males kill females with their saber-like penis in the process.
Blue whales are the largest creature to ever roam the earth, and they certainly have the phallus to match. Blue whale penises range between eight and ten feet, with a foot-long diameter. Each of its testes along can weigh up to 150 pounds and can ejaculate gallons of sperm in a single go.Like many organisms with intriguing phalluses, flatworms that engage in penis fights are hermaphrodites—just one example that showcases how a sex binary system fails to account for the range, fluidity and diversity of many organisms. Some species of flatworm engage in this duel to see who can inseminate the other. There is much we don’t know about dinosaur sex. From possible positions to anatomy, mysteries abound. But the subject has moved beyond silly speculation. A better understanding of dinosaur evolutionary relationships has given paleontologists a framework from which to hypothesize about different aspects of dinosaur reproduction, and those ideas have been tested by discoveries in the fossil record. Future finds and analyses will undoubtedly flesh out some of the remaining unknowns. We are only just beginning to discover some of the most intimate secrets of dinosaur lives. Mating leopard slugs dangle from branches by a shared rope of their own slime with their penises hanging below. As hermaphrodites, these slugs inseminate each other during sex so, once the action starts, two penises are on display. And their penises are easily spotted: They’re electric blue and roughly the size of the slugs themselves. On Cults you can also find a 3D printer nearby, get voucher codes to buy cheap 3D printers or filaments at best prices and also a whole series of 3D printing contests. Cults is a joyful community that brings together all 3D printing fans to dialogue and create together. If all the distant cousins had them, and some of the bird groups that we think are some of the first to split off have them, then the ones that are in between—dinosaurs—they probably had them too.
Birds have them, bees have them, even regular old fleas have them, but in the animal kingdom, no penis is exactly like the next. Across vastly different species and ecosystems, unique environmental pressures have allowed creatures of many species to evolve an array of shapes and sizes—from the electric blue penis of the leopard slug to the blue whale’s ten-foot phallus.
Willingham explains that this violent process has caused bedbugs to evolve “something very vagina-like where they tend to get stabbed.” This special less-armored area of their abdomen might minimize harm as the male injects his sperm into the female’s circulatory system. Gender-Bending Genitals What we do with things we can't observe in dinosaurs, or any extinct animals, is we look for their closest living relatives. The last remnants of the living dinosaur lineage are the birds. Outside of birds, the closest cousins are crocodiles and alligators, and they have really different genitals. Sarah Werning: That's a big mystery. The problem is that there aren't any fossilized dinosaur wangs. Or, we haven't found any yet. That's partly because most penises in the animal kingdom don't have a bony component. It's usually more of a liquid inflation system, so it starts out limp, and blood gets pumped into it. We have no reason to think dinosaurs would be an animal that had any bones down there. Sometimes, penises pose logistical challenges. That is certainly the case for the leopard slug, which is so well-endowed that it has to go to extreme measures to reproduce. Brennan, P., Birkhead, T., Zyskowski, K., van der Waag, J., & Prum, R. (2008). Independent evolutionary reductions of the phallus in basal birds Journal of Avian Biology, 39 (5), 487-492 DOI: 10.1111/j.0908-8857.2008.04610.x
Sometimes one just isn’t enough. Or so it seems for the echidna, a spiny egg-laying mammal, which has evolved a four-headed penis. During copulation, echidna penises operate on a part-time schedule: half the penis temporarily shuts down while the other two heads are responsible for fertilization. But those extra two heads aren’t there just to show off. Next time the echidna mates, he’ll alternate which half he uses. Penises have been a longstanding subject of scientific fascination, and they’re far more studied than vaginas. One explanation for this research gap, says Willingham, is “because of who has been asking the questions until quite recently, and who's been deciding how those questions should be answered.” But it’s a scientific question and I want answers — let’s do some research and try to figure out how dinosaurs had sex! Sadly, Dongs Don’t Age Well
Recently, in an effort to not spend literally all of our time social distancing inside our house, my wife and I took a trip to the Oakland Zoo for some evening entertainment — a Glowfari. We will probably never know the full range of dinosaurian penis variation. I doubt that such diverse and disparate creatures would have had a one-size-fits-all anatomy, although I also doubt the horrifying idea— which comes up often in internet comment threads—that male dinosaurs might have had long, prehensile organs which allowed them to inseminate at a distance. No matter what their gonads looked like, though, male dinosaurs probably had to get very close to their female partners during sex. There were only a limited number of positions which would have worked for dinosaurs.
These blurred lines often give rise to nature's most fascinating sexual organs. Here are eight penises that are as cool and surprising as the creatures that wield them: Heads Above the Rest Scientists have found that barnacle penis features change based on where they live. Those in rougher waters have shorter, stouter penises, while those in calmer areas have long, slender penises. Carpenter, K. 1999. Eggs, Nests, and Baby Dinosaurs. Bloomington: Indiana University Press. pp. 78-81 Dolphins don’t just use their penises for baby-making, either. Bottlenose dolphins frequently copulate for pleasure, and often with members of the same sex. Dolphin sex doesn’t last long, only about ten seconds, but males can ejaculate multiple times an hour. Fencing With a Phallus Sato, T., Cheng, Y., Wu, X., Zelenitsky, D.K., Hsaiao, Y (2005). A Pair of Shelled Eggs Inside A Female Dinosaur Science, 308 (5720), 375-375 DOI: 10.1126/science.1110578There's not a binary that is categorically one thing or the other when it comes to genitalia,” says Willingham. By shutting down half of their penis at a time, male echidnas fit perfectly with the female’s two-branched reproductive tract. This creature’s coat of quills don’t spare its genitalia, which features penile spines—a horrifying frequent trait in the animal kingdom (even humans once had them) which may increase fertilization success or trigger ovulation. Getting Handsy This is the final installment of the dinosaur sex series. For more, please see my Smithsonian article “ Everything you wanted to know about dinosaur sex” and the previous entries in the series: Birds are the living dinosaurs, and most birds with penises have a pretty small, cone-shaped penis—a boring penis, as penises go. It inflates the normal way, with fluid. I don't know if you can find a picture of an ostrich penis online…
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